How to Deal with People Who Hurt You

There are number of instances in life when people hurt us, either with their actions or with their words. There may be times when they did not really mean it, but it just happened that you perceived them in a different way.

However, there are certain people who seem to be out there with a mission to make your life miserable. They will do everything possible to make you feel bad, they will criticize you, humiliate you, abuse you and what not. You are a nice person and you are unable to figure out why these particular people are behaving in this odd fashion.

Ultimately, you start to ignore them, and hate them, and try to escape. But the bad taste in the mouth remains. You do not even want to confront as you are afraid that it will lead the unpleasantness. And many times confrontation may make the situation worse, as your tormentor realizes that he/has succeeded in making you feel bad. So, what will you do? How will you react? Crying in frustration is definitely not going to help.

Lot of people may advice you to “Be positive”. But how can you be positive when you actually feeling negative? How can you love, forgive and forget when inside the core of your heart you are feeling loath and revenge?

How? How? How?

Yes, you can, if you know this secret that I am going to share with you. But before that I will like to tell you a story.

In a class a professor, drew a small dot on the white board, and asked his students what they see. Everyone, shouted in unison “A dot”

The professor asked them to look carefully and answer. But their answer was the same. Then he asked his students, that can not they see the white board, the wall on which it is hung, the professor and the table in front of him.

The students were amazed at their own answer, because, they in fact could see much more than the dot. But then previously why they could not see it all?

The reason as the professor explained was “Focus”. What we are focusing in life? Because, he drew a dot everyone saw the dot. When he brought their attention to other things they could see it as well, but not before that.

In our lives we focus at the problem, and keep on harping about it. But in fact, the solution is situated not inside but outside the problem. All we need to learn is to look at the white board and not at the dot.

Now, there is this person bothering you, abusing, you, making you feel miserable, though you want to be friends with him or her. And you are feeling bad, exactly as this person wanted. But there is an escape to this. Now next time something like this happens, and you are feeling negative try “praying.”

“Praying”, you must be saying, “But I do pray”

Let me ask you....” For whom do you pray?”

It’s possible that your answer is “I pray to God to give me strength and tolerance”

That is what we should do. Right!

Right, but where is your focus? When you pray to God and ask for strength and tolerance you actually believe that you lack it. Your focus automatically is on your misery and it gets reinforced in your mind and you eventually feel more miserable.

So, next time rather than praying for yourself, pray for your tormentor. Jesus when he was on cross was not praying for himself, but for people who were crucifying him. He said “Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing.”

Prey, for the person who has done you wrong. He is the person who should be pitied and not you. Think, how much he or she has lost, by behaving the way he/she did. He/she has lost the pleasure of a beautiful relationship with a nice person like you. He/she has become lonelier, more secluded, and all by himself/herself. Don't you think such a person needs your help? You can help by preying for him/her.

And hey presto! What happens? Your negativity melts and you start feeling positive. Your misery will disappear, since, now your anger will turn into pity. Your focus will shift from you to the other person. You will feel that the other person is actually more of a victim of his or her own action than you are. Since you are preying for someone else, you are the giver. You can not feel negative when you are giving. You will do something very positive. You can not do positive and feel negative at the same time. You will feel good; in fact you will start feeling “GREAT”.

Please remember
“God grants us our wishes when we are praying for other” and
“No one has the right to hurt you against your wish.”

Have faith and do well. You are not alone. God is always there with you!